they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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