I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
