When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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