Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
