Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
