your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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