well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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