you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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