if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
