She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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