tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
