Umm I'm too high to move.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
