i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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