i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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