My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
