after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
