just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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