pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
