It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
