I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
