dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Couch. On fire.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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