i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
