So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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