woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
