And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
