I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
