I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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