Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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