Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
