It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
