so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
