Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
