Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
