Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
