if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
