I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
