So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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