I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
