I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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