My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
