Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
