he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
