a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
