I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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