Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
