My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
