I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
