My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
