So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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