Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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