Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
